i'm at starlight, again, probably for the last time and thinking about so many things. i got into santiago last night from buenos aires, and i can't tell you how good it felt to be back in a place where i knew everything. i really missed santiago while i was gone - not that buenos aires wasn't fun, but i wish i had spent more of my last days here.
i'm struggling to be present right now, trying to find the balance between enjoying the last moments i have here, and thinking about where i might work when i get back. i've been thinking about moving to portland, oregon for a long time, and last night, driving in from the airport, i was looking at the mountains and feeling like portland is right.
this has been so much more than a volunteer/travel experience for me. i've loved working with my babies - i'm planning on visiting them on monday morning before i fly out that night, and loved working with the tias. traveling around has been such a good experience as well. i've met people from all over the world, in so many different life situations, and yet we're all traveling together. but more than anything, this has been something that i needed. i've spent a lot of time in prayer - on the train, in the bus, walking around - and the other day in argentina, was thinking about how god knew that i needed to be here for a bit.
i keep hearing songs that will remind me of being here, and i wonder if i'll hear them at home and wish i were here. there are so many things i want to take with me when i go, and then suddenly i realize that i can't, and i shouldn't, because they aren't mine and they belong here.
so it's turning into fall here - the air is crisp in the mornings and i see kids in their school uniforms everywhere. it's a strange feeling to have had fall, a bit of winter, summer, a bit of fall and now i'll go back to late spring. i'm so used to such significant seasonal changes - used to the order, to how i feel every time we have a new season, and this is such a strange feeling.
i don't know how to say all of this gracefully - obviously - but my heart is full of thanks. so thankful for everything i've experienced, for every person i've met, and for the appreciation i found for everyone and everything at home that's been there all along...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
kathy, this last entry was great. somehow you summed up the grieving of a place as somehow personal, like a collection of people and landscape and music that turns into one person. you really should write. not that i'd wish for you that kind of melancholy all the time. i feel for you. and do come to portland. sonny and dave will be here late april, and it looks like we are filming in may, so the house will be a circus. but it's yours in june and july if you like. and i've got a family who can take you in may. travel safe. i hope yesterday went well with the babies. proud of you. -don
Kathy,
your words describing your departure from Chile were thought provoking. my heart has been aching for children in Uganda lately and when I begin to think about doing something over there i hold myself back because i don't know if i could handle saying goodbye. i already had to do it once and it only took one child a couple hours to capture my heart and it still cry for him.
living on the west coast, Seattle, for the past five months has been beautiful. i highly encourage you to move this way!
julie h
Post a Comment