this life

i'm watching michael bloomberg on meet this press talking about the bail-out of freddie mac and fannie mae. and i actually understand what he's talking about with this whole mortgage mess. the reason is this:

www.thislife.com

go to the radio archives and stream the show in may 2008 called "the giant pool of money". it's excellent.

update. finally.

well, well, well. it's now been over a month in portland, and this week is a good week. i had some visitors over the last several days - it was so nice to have some action around the condo, i started working this week and tomorrow night my sister arrives for a long weekend. fabulous.

i'm working for an architectural firm - never worked with or for one of those before - and i like it so far. my job isn't super challenging, which kept me up last night for a bit before i realized that it might give me time to think about what i really want to do: find a more challenging job, possibly go back to school, keep traveling... found this quote, too. and i like it.

"the more i travel, the more i recognize that most people in the world want the same things - even though we differ in the way we pursue them. traveling is the best way to learn appreciation and tolerance. americans have learned to be guarded. but there are places in the world where i have been warmly welcomed into the homes of complete strangers and fed well. travel to foreign lands... and be uncomfortable. you'll come back home richer for it."

thursday

it's gray and cool today. like yesterday and the day before. a bit of a change from getting hot enough to jump in a 70 degree pool on sunday. i'm looking at leftovers from a little shindig last night, and drinking starbucks while i figure out what to do today. my only commitment is a 3:45 drive to the airport. then i'm on my own.

can't count the number of times i've had the "so why are you in portland?" conversation over the past few days. i'll be glad when that is over, although i think it's been good to remind myself that i'm going to take my time - finding a place to work, live, etc. if i didn't have to constantly repeat it, i might forget and start freaking out.

my host here - my friend don - has been ridiculously gracious, introducing me to all of his friends and showing me the cool spots in the city, all the while getting ready to skip town for seven weeks. i'll be driving his truck around while he's gone - me in the tacoma is a bit comical, and i'm convinced that i'm going to hit something. fingers crossed.

so, plan for the next two months: kayak, eat good food, find a job, check out first thursday, drink good beer, shop at trader joe's, make some friends, buy a bike, throw a couple parties, host lots of visitors (ahem), go to a concert or two, take my time.

betting on trains - hem. listen. amazing.

i talked to two friends from chile this week - so good. so good to hear their voices, to catch up, to confirm that we are in fact "real life" friends, not just travel buddies. but i miss chile - the people, the excitement, and what the trip meant. i'm still getting used to being back, and moving on.

speaking of, i am in the process of moving on. in the middle of all sorts of lasts, as my friend kate would call them - i don't know if you do this, but i am always counting down. tonight is my last friday night in my house. it was my last day at work today (which was a job that i was kind of sad to leave), i had my last class at frank's on wednesday. i'll be thinking about my last shower here, my last run of the dishwasher... yes, i'm weird.

but these lasts aren't so difficult - it's the last time i see my sister for a while that's going to be hard.

i'm looking forward to not having a car (holy smokes, i filled up at $4.18 a gallon tonight), watching G4TV again, meeting new people, talking to Annette in the same timezone, and drinking good coffee and beer.

i have a lot of work to do tonight - packing up, cleaning and deciding what to keep and what to send out in august/september. will i still be there? *shrugs shoulders* we'll see.

p.s. a little post-script. none of this happens without a little faith in myself. which is something i haven't had in a long time, and it's changing everything.

t-minus

less than one month, and i'm off to portland, oregon to have a go at life in the pacific northwest. it's been an interesting month back from chile - one where i've found myself torn between missing chile and looking forward to portland. sometimes difficult to be in the moment.

so i'm sitting at home tonight, in an incredibly clean house, and celebrating the fact that i sold it today. holy smokes, i still can't believe it.

a friend asked me on thursday night if i had been praying about moving to oregon, considering that i don't know very many people and don't have a job. and yes, i tell god about all the crazy things i'm up to, but i can't say i ever "heard" god say, yes, go to portland. then again, i didn't hear god say, yes, go to chile.

however, my house just sold. i have a place to live in portland for two months when i get there. i found a job within one week of getting back to grand rapids, for exactly the amount of time i'll be here before i leave. and everyone i've talked to is happy for me, and has great things to say about portland.

somewhere i read that god says no a lot more than he says go. but you have to step out first.

last few days

i'm at starlight, again, probably for the last time and thinking about so many things. i got into santiago last night from buenos aires, and i can't tell you how good it felt to be back in a place where i knew everything. i really missed santiago while i was gone - not that buenos aires wasn't fun, but i wish i had spent more of my last days here.

i'm struggling to be present right now, trying to find the balance between enjoying the last moments i have here, and thinking about where i might work when i get back. i've been thinking about moving to portland, oregon for a long time, and last night, driving in from the airport, i was looking at the mountains and feeling like portland is right.

this has been so much more than a volunteer/travel experience for me. i've loved working with my babies - i'm planning on visiting them on monday morning before i fly out that night, and loved working with the tias. traveling around has been such a good experience as well. i've met people from all over the world, in so many different life situations, and yet we're all traveling together. but more than anything, this has been something that i needed. i've spent a lot of time in prayer - on the train, in the bus, walking around - and the other day in argentina, was thinking about how god knew that i needed to be here for a bit.

i keep hearing songs that will remind me of being here, and i wonder if i'll hear them at home and wish i were here. there are so many things i want to take with me when i go, and then suddenly i realize that i can't, and i shouldn't, because they aren't mine and they belong here.

so it's turning into fall here - the air is crisp in the mornings and i see kids in their school uniforms everywhere. it's a strange feeling to have had fall, a bit of winter, summer, a bit of fall and now i'll go back to late spring. i'm so used to such significant seasonal changes - used to the order, to how i feel every time we have a new season, and this is such a strange feeling.

i don't know how to say all of this gracefully - obviously - but my heart is full of thanks. so thankful for everything i've experienced, for every person i've met, and for the appreciation i found for everyone and everything at home that's been there all along...

alfajores, urban biking and a thunderstorm

so beth arrived on tuesday morning, and i was so glad to see her. i didn't get the exact scene i had pictured in my mind because she beat me out of customs, but there was definitely a little squealing and a big hug in the middle of the airport.

since she was coming off two weeks in nicaragua and then an overnight flight from miami, beth caught up on some sleep for a bit during the day on tuesday and then we went to a tango show that night. wednesday we did a little shopping and then went salsa dancing with our friend jo from the hostel, and then thursday we checked out the cemetery in recoleta. i had met some really cool people in pucón, chile from around london and we all figured out that we'd be in buenos aires at the same time, so beth and i had a ridiculously good steak dinner with them on thursday night. seriously, i had chorizo, tenderloin medallions and a couple bites of beth's steak. i don't think i could have eaten any more.

all has been great so far, but i think today was my favorite - we went "urban biking" through the south part of the city, stopping by the south shore of the river for mate and alfajores (which are traditional cookies with caramel) and then on to the neighborhood la boca, where the futbol stadium is and where the tango was born. we stopped for a couple of beers at the market, and suddenly the sky got very dark and all of the vendors kept looking at the sky, waiting until the last possible second to pack up their stuff. our guides were pretty chill, and also waited until the last possible second to get us back on our bikes. but it was great - we did some crazy cycling back to city center through the wind and a little rain, but just made it into the subway before it really started to pour...

buenos aires is starting to grow on me - it's a huge city, but it's got a lot of personality. i love the italian influence, the prices and the clothes and shoes. we're going to a boca juniors futbol game on sunday, in their stadium (which is supposed to be the best) and i can't wait. until then...